I have spent days wasted on agitation.
On regret.
On raging judgments and neverending rants about the unfairness of the world. About the hypocrisy of it’s residents. About the tragedies that fill the news and the pages of journals belonging to hundreds of girls like me. I have spent days whining. And bitching. And wishing. And then I stumble upon words that I wrote when I was fifteen. When I still used words like “awesomeness” and “kewl" When I never doubted the existence of God.
When I never doubted that He loved Me.
When I believed if you started the day with a smile nothing but joy would come your way, and that once you had it the only thing to do was spread it around like a disease. Locker to locker. Classroom to classroom. Leave em laughing and go home and use smiley face emoticons while you eat spaghettios and watch ABC family. There was a beautful simplicity to my happiness then. And as I read I realized- happiness IS simple. It’s not self help books and seminars and rehab. It’s making a decision to love the world because you are lucky enough to BE in it. Happiness is not a gift given to only the lucky ones- it’s what you create when you stop bitching and seek it.
Thank you, fifteen year old jessica.
For bringing me back to my simple smile. <3
On regret.
On raging judgments and neverending rants about the unfairness of the world. About the hypocrisy of it’s residents. About the tragedies that fill the news and the pages of journals belonging to hundreds of girls like me. I have spent days whining. And bitching. And wishing. And then I stumble upon words that I wrote when I was fifteen. When I still used words like “awesomeness” and “kewl" When I never doubted the existence of God.
When I never doubted that He loved Me.
When I believed if you started the day with a smile nothing but joy would come your way, and that once you had it the only thing to do was spread it around like a disease. Locker to locker. Classroom to classroom. Leave em laughing and go home and use smiley face emoticons while you eat spaghettios and watch ABC family. There was a beautful simplicity to my happiness then. And as I read I realized- happiness IS simple. It’s not self help books and seminars and rehab. It’s making a decision to love the world because you are lucky enough to BE in it. Happiness is not a gift given to only the lucky ones- it’s what you create when you stop bitching and seek it.
Thank you, fifteen year old jessica.
For bringing me back to my simple smile. <3
