The snow is melting in Ontario. All that white perfection was a winter illusion and now the faded green of dead January grass is peeking through, whispering promises of Spring and icicles drip on my brown hair. Yes, sweet spring dance into my life and blow me an adventure. I am growing weary of this bubble, tired of this routine. I am stronger every day and my heart is yearning for more.More life. More experiences. I am hungry for artists and musicians and tie dye tank tops. Chop sticks and rock n roll and glitter underneath my fingernails again. I am starving for the road, ready to pull a Jack Kerouac and drive away from the safe responsibilities I took on in an effort to stay put. To be comfortable. I’m weary of my comfort.
Never underestimate the power of a phone call to your mother. Kind words swimming through my tearstained blackberry. A lullaby laced with loving advice and unatainted truth. The big picture gets so hard to see inside this tiny reality TV show universe of mine. The cosmic importance of my being, the epic journey of LIFE that I am embarking on each and every day. The goods and bads and ups and downs, the pounding head mornings and dirty wasted nights. Even my mistakes are beautiful because in the end they will teach me how to mend the hearts I never meant to break, let go of the pretty girls that I could never save. In the end that Friday night will lead me down a path I have been resisting for far too long. A path where pain is promised but the reclaiming of my own heart is inevitable. A path where I learn to let GO, and learn how to be. Be strong. Be alone. Be scared. Be assertive. Be forgiving. Be myself again. I let my hurt seep into our relationship without ever even realizing it. You deserve more than that. You deserve so much more.
I’m ready to start over, make a splash, I’m desperate to be beautifully uncomfortable <3
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